A dedication...

the journey of separation begins in seconds and the evolves into minutes, hours and days. Till one day the count reaches to years, years a unit of time that seem infinite yet in a blink they are gone. As Khalid Husseini aptly put it, "time is a cruel thing, sometimes it keeps all the details with itself". Then what are we left with? Vivid visions, incoherent recollections, untouchable sensations! Time can take away the details but the bond, the link it lasts. It was always meant to be timeless, always meant to challenge the power of time. So no matter what time puts us through and keeps for itself, it can never take away from us the feeling of welcoming a bond, and the sweet pain of the moment when it is finally time to say goodbye...

I can hardly believe, it already been a year. The feeling lingers, that cold winter night still finds a way deep into the soul. It lingers, it lasts...

Dedicated to my father, who passed away on 15th December 2012!

Our souls long for nature and to be natural...

Human soul has a strange bond with solitude and sunsets, out there in the barren wilderness the soul feels its most natural and this strange bond comes alive again. The different colors spread across the sky tell a story of the different shades the day has passed through. And each day though the colors may change and you may attach a new meaning to them, each sunset is always a time for recollection and thought.It is a time to be with yourself and to evaluate yourself!

When you turn to nature, you do not find loneliness,you find solitude instead. You are taught the virtues of 
kindness, humility and benevolence. There is a serenity in nature which if you can make a part of your soul, spread and cherish. It will make the world more peaceful, more natural!

(2012, Jhula Campsite, en route to K2 base camp)

A soldier...

His eyes were about to close, he was tired and felt the need to sleep. He could see the setting sun far away on the horizon, the day was about to end , his work was done and he could afford to close his eyes and rest! Yet, he struggled to keep awake as if to etch the view of the setting sun on his memory. This day would end and after the dark pause another would begin, but this was a special day. It had to be remembered and cherished, because a life long struggle had come to an end and his work was complete. He struggled but could not resist the urge to rest, anymore. His eyes slowly closing, like the continuous movement of the setting sun.But then a loud sound and a piercing pain, awoke him. It was dark all around apart from the flashes of sudden light, that were as blinding as the darkness.
     He tried to move but his body was tired, that is all that was left of it. So he just lay there thinking and contemplating, "they must think i am dead, that all that will  be left of me is cindered ashes. But here i am, tired, broken and in pain, waiting for the inevitable. But even if they never come back to look for me, i can take solace in the fact that i have done my job, i have played my part. I have finally accomplished what i had trained for. The battle during the day had been tough, men had fallen by the dozens to the volleys of gunfire and the ground had shook with the rumble of artillery shells pounding down. It seemed that the clouds had decided to rain molten metal, and it was no light drizzle either, it was a torrential downpour. I was assigned an evacuation mission for some of our men who had gotten injured. I completed it successfully but on the way back our convoy was hit, the force of the explosion had catapulted me far into the bushes, the jeep was in flames and then it exploded. I could see it all happen, i shouted for help but my voice was lost in the storm of noise that accompanied the downpour of metal and fire. I could see that the convoy stopped for sometime but then they moved on thinking that no one could have survived what they had witnessed. I shouted, and when i tried to move the pain made me scream. I could not feel my legs later i realized, all that was left were shattered bones and smell of burnt flesh. Though i felt a but disappointed that they did not search for me but i know i would have done the same and with that thought some of the pain hurting my soul eased.
     I had always regarded war a necessary evil, I am a soldier and by that some may conclude that war was my primary profession but being a soldier is one thing, loving war is another. Like the dweller of a barren desert can appreciate water and greenery more than others, a soldier, a true soldier can appreciate the moments of peace more than others. A soldier usually doesn't start wars, he merely fights them until his decisive blow can stop it or unless those who started it grow weary and bored of this necessary evil and think about giving peace a chance once more. At the end of the war a soldier may be glorified for his actions in it, blamed for heinous crimes but the fact remains a soldier does not start a war, he merely finds himself inside one and fighting, till the fight or the soldier meet their end. A soldier is not inhumane, a warrior cannot lack compassion and longing for peace. Those who use war as a means to a livelihood are not soldiers but mercenaries, blood hungry monsters. A soldier is brave, caring and compassionate, he is one of you, he is you. A soldier is one they pin medals on when war results in victory and the one to be blamed when defeat arrives. I can think no more and the pain is numbing my thoughts. You will want to know me but i am just a soldier fighting a war, i am nameless and unknown and now that the purpose that was required of me has been fulfilled, i can move on, i can close my eyes, i can finally rest. And if you ever want to understand me, come to place which Rumi described as,

Beyond our ideas of right-doing and wrong-doing,

there is a field. I’ll meet you there.

When the soul lies down in that grass,

the world is too full to talk about.

Ideas, language, even the phrase ‘each other’

doesn’t make sense any more.”

The next day when the dust settled and smoke cleared some people saw a corpse, they buried him and walked on. A little boy asked who was he? a soldier killed in battle, came the reply

Eid Mubarak

Eid is all about giving happiness to others by living the spirit of sacrifice, today a poor guard outside a mosque did what is the responsibility of every citizen. He did not run away when threatened by terror he saved many lives and happiness of many families by sacrificing his own life. If there is a government out there, you need to learn from that man how to live and die, stop hiding in your mansions. We all have to die, the thing is to die well!
Think about it, your Eid is devoid of happiness and hollow because you do not embody the spirit of sacrifice, the spirit of doing what is right. That guard and many like him will perish in the hope to wake you up but if u still prefer slumber. Remember we all die, honorably or otherwise! Eid Mubarak 

And how better can a man die than facing fearful odds
For the ashes of his fathers and the temples of his gods

Slavery

When i look at the world of today, the systems and norms that govern the world and are responsible for its day to day operations, i feel bounded labor has been replaced by a false sense of dignified labor. People have been given a false sense of empowerment only to let them give the right of exercising this power to those for whom they are no more than mere statistics, an amicable collateral damage that can be incurred to achieve their goals. The more you look at it, the more you understand it, the more you realize that slavery was never abolished, only extended to include everyone!!!
  

Pain of an Idealist...

It is extremely tough to be an idealist in a system of compromises. Where blatant lies carry more weight than a true idea. Vested interests stand far more important than the power of the people. A bitter truth we live in, a farce called society. Call me an anarchist, a misguided idealist or a lost soul. People count for nothing because they are not souls, not humans they are herds of goats. Up for sale to the highest bidder then stand and wait, for sheep are for slaughtering and their meat and hides to be put to use for those who own them.
But silence of the lambs will be an invitation to the wolves, and behold they have gathered. But if the people are not given the power they have to take the power themselves. Only if they chose to!
 I will go to dust and be no more but ideas live on, they always have! They have a certain knack of outlasting us mere mortals to make us believe how foolish we were. Thoughts based on an ideal will live on the compromising will live for now but in the end they would regret all the days of compromises and wish for a day where they can live and stand for an ideal. People will celebrate for now and in time they will cry out in desperation and anger only then will the realize the following words of Mario Savio, 

“There is a time when the operation of the machine becomes so odious, makes you so sick at heart, that you can’t take part; you can’t even passively take part, and you’ve got to put your bodies upon the gears and upon the wheels, upon the levers, upon all the apparatus, and you’ve got to make it stop. And you’ve got to indicate to the people who run it, to the people who own it, that unless you’re free, the machine will be prevented from working at all!”

Sarisht-e-Khak

انسان کی تخلیق مٹی سے ہوئی اور اس کا انجام بھئ مٹی۔۔۔ سفر جس بھی راہ کا ہو متی سے رابطہ و رشتہ نہیں ٹوٹ سکتا۔۔۔ اسی متی میں ایک خوبی ھے کہ قدموں تلے روندی جانے کے باوجود اس کے تہمل میں کمی نہیں آتی ۔۔۔ اس کی سرشت میں عاجزی و بردباری ہے۔۔۔ پر اس مٹی سے تخلیق شدہ انسان نے اپنی تخلیق کا واقعہ بھی بھلا دیا اور اپنے تخلیقی عنصر کی سرشت بھی۔۔۔ تکبر اور خود غرضی کی انتہا ہی کر ڈالی اور ازلی دشمن کا طور اپنا لیا۔۔۔ پر شاید بے وفائی بھی ازل سے اس کی سرشت میں موجود ھے اور اسی نے اسے محبوب حقیقی سے دور اور شجر ممنوعہ کے قرب میں مسلسل سرگرداں کر دیا
پر خاک تو خاک ہوتی ہے۔۔۔ انسان کا اس سے رشتہ اور قرب۔۔۔ عجز اور قربانی ۔۔۔ اس خاک کو اور اس ذرہ خاک کو مثل گوھر تاباں و درخشاں کر دیتا ہے ۔۔۔ تواصل مقام و مرتبہ پانے کے لیے پیکر خا کی کو مثل خاک مجسم عجز اور خاک نشیں ہونا پرٹا ہے۔ اپنی سرشت کی طرف لوٹنا ہی ہماری کامیا بی کا ذریعہ ھے ۔۔۔ شب و روز کا تسلسل زندگی نہیں بلکہ روز خاک کا خاک کی طرف سفر اور خاک میں مل کر فنا یا مسلسل بقا پا جانا ہی زندگی ہے۔۔۔

Longings of the soul...

Moments of happiness are great, they refresh the soul and to be part of them albeit as a silent bystander is wonderful. But when moments like this, that are linked directly to you have taken a long leave of absence and you watch another moment pass as a witness and no matter how hard you but the voice from within just screams, when will it be my moment?

 The wait has been too long, the desperation is at some of it highest moments, the soul, dry and parched, that voice from within screams again, when will it be my moment? I am not thankless, I am just restless... So again I ask... when!

Our soul and black holes...

In the vast expanse of space, their are strange phenomena present. In the crowd of galaxies and stars there are silent and dark beings that can even trap light and bend gravity, Black Holes! It is said that when a start collapses and all its mass gets squeezed into one point, it becomes a black hole. And as the universe is filled with galaxies, the earth is filled with human souls and when our souls become so entangled into self, that they collapse to a small point of selfishness. All our mass is concentrated in that one point and we become black holes, trapping all light, bend all hope...
 A black hole may be the darkest entity in the universe but even it cannot compete with the darkness of a soul collapsed into selfishness...

Your silence, will be your downfall...

Anyone who has buried their loved ones with their own hands know that during those moments, you are there but your soul and mind are in a parallel universe. A land where memories, moments and small signs roam and you are with them. And then suddenly with tons of soil the physical connection ceases forever. Anyone who has buried their loved ones with their own hands would know, how suddenly a gapingg void appears then how could you not feel for all those who have lost their loved ones in recent barbaric acts. Those who kill in the name of the same Allah, have they forgotten that the death of an innocent is the death of humanity. Have they forgotten, no matter what sect, religion or ethnicity we belong to, saying the final goodbye to the ones we love is a moment we relieve everyday. We all see this bloodshed, yet carry on thinking, it will not happen to us, it will to all of us! When a menace is allowed to grow unchecked, it consumes everything and everyone. We have all closed our eyes and have allowed the darkness to grow and it will come for all of us. The only way out is unity, there is no foreign hand. We have to root out the culprits from within us and if we still support these beasts because they belong to whatever thing we have affection for then we are equally responsible. If a puddle of blood is not enough to wake you up, keep on waiting, soon it will blood of someone you love and the standing there saying a final goodbye do not blame anyone for it was you who brought it upon them!

True happiness only exists if it is shared!

Yesterday during the slow winter drizzle, i happened to pass through old Lahore. Underneath the balcony of an old decayed building, there was a dry spot and there lay a question for all humanity. On a worn out rug, wrapped in old and torn warm clothes was an old man. May be it was just the passage of time and the pain it had inflicted that made him old and worn out. But what's so special about this, we see this scene almost everywhere and walk past it. Though our walking past such people is a thought and discussion for some other time, but this man had something different. He was asleep, peacefully asleep even in the state he was in and cuddled with him were dogs! Stray dogs! Peacefully asleep with that man. It was as if all of them had a connection, they were all social rejects, not conforming to our ways and living in a world of their own. They were together and that is what all seemed to matter to them, to them may be we are caged souls not understanding their world of freedom. I wanted to wake him up and know his story but i just couldn't break that moment of peace and togetherness. I was also afraid, not knowing how he and his companions would react to my intrusion. I wanted to know his story, of how he had found rejection and neglect in a world full of humans like him and how he found togetherness and peace with these creatures. May be some other day i will try, i do not know if i will ever succeed to know his story, i am not sure of even seeing him again. Will he ever open up to someone, who is from the other side, the side he has long abandoned or the side that has long abandoned him. I do not know the answers to all these questions but in that moment i learned a lesson, we often take this lesson for granted but at moments like these we truly realize its importance. Whatever we have and no matter how much we have, true happiness only exists if it is shared!

The Search For Happiness...

The sun was slowly dipping below the horizon, completing its journey another time. A cool and refreshing breeze beckoned the arrival of spring, i could feel it calling.Spring is a season of rebirth and of joy, it is a time when life begins afresh. Every soul is touched by the magic of spring but sometimes like a badly bruised wound, even the healing power of spring cannot relieve the soul of its pain.
 Our soul is like a castle with strong brick walls of ego and selfishness, but even in those walls small windows of compassion, love and kindness exist. These windows are the only inlets of the light of happiness and peace. Happiness is like the spring sunshine, bright and full of comforting warmth. Peace is like the scent of flowers in full bloom, serene. These emotions on which are soul thrives, can only find a way beyond the brick walls if the windows are open. They may be present in abundance outside but if we chose to close the windows of our soul, there will only be darkness and decay inside.

 The trouble is that these windows can only be opened from the inside, if we continue to shut them tightly the glass becomes tinted and only the light we want to see can come inside. But happiness should be experienced as a whole and not in parts. When can chose to stay in the dark and keep the windows shut but one day a storm will come along and rattle the windows and shatter the walls. Then happiness will find a way through but only as hope, just a means to rebuild. And yet if we do not value it, there is no castle, no walls and no windows. We cease to exist for our soul is dead! Pain and pleasure become meaningless and there is no differentiation between darkness and light. Before that day comes, open your windows and breathe the fresh air.
Happiness is not something you have to search for outside, you just have to open the windows inside! You can not go looking for it, it will come to you but only if you want it to!

People like us...

In times of need when a city was in despair, there lived a group of people who took it upon themselves to rid the people of despair and menace. They fought, they bled and through a constant struggle the managed to give back to the people peace and hope which had long abandoned them. But when all was done, in the quietness of the night they fled. A small child saw them and asked why leave now? when you have rid us of the evil, now is the time to rejoice and relax. Their old leader looked at the child in a re assuring gaze and in a gentle yet deep tone replied ,
 "People like us, we are the glistening stars of the night. But when the darkness recedes and the first rays of dawn arrive, we move on. For another dark night needs illumination, another gaze in the darkness awaits us. Another lost traveler seeks his path in our guidance. We are warriors of an eternal battle, we battle darkness for no matter how fast light travels it always finds that darkness has arrived there before. Our work here is done but my child fear not when the shadows of darkness grow tall and you can see no more, we will return. Shining in the darkness to light your path. My child life is strange! It sometimes defies its own meaning and yet asks us to continue living, and so we live piercing the darkness bit by bit with moments where we all shine."
The eternal battle will never end, but it is time that our darkness is pierced once again by souls that shine. We await you, for the time to return has arrived. A silent, tearful gaze awaits you in the darkness!

The Perfect Moment...

We are all guilty of waiting for the perfect moment to arrive. Yet our standards of perfection are so vague that countless moments pass us by unnoticed. A bit of effort and we may not get that perfect moment but what we will have is a beautiful moment. Perfection will always be too elusive and huge to be encompassed by a mere moment, unless an eye that truly sees gazes at that moment. We all wait and then one day we realize that to live, a continuum of beautiful moments may have sufficed. If we could have truly felt that continuum, we may well have felt perfection. But we are guilty of waiting!

And when enough moments have passed, we can wait no more. We want to but we cannot and then it ends without the bliss of having ever felt beauty or perfection. Yet we still wait for that perfect moment, yes we all still do...